Thursday, April 12, 2007

Om My God

The latest ideas in the job search have involved the fitness world:
  • I'd get the daily exercise in that I'm always meaning to do AND I'd get paid for it
  • Talking is limited
  • I'd get to wear comfortable clothes
So, I've been researching places around town where I can get my yoga teacher training certification and decided to check out this one place with a training session at the end of this month. The yoga I'm used to usually involves soothing music and poses at varying speeds/flows, depending on the type of yoga you're doing and an instructor that speaks very little. We'll call this Ohio yoga.

I believe in the mind/body thing with yoga, you know? But this place I went to yesterday? We literally chanted "om."

And then we had to roar like lions.

And I'm not kidding.

It wasn't the instruction that scared me so much as the other students. I mean, it's downright shocking how loud fellow yogis will roar or om or exhale.
The instructor never stopped talking (albeit soothingly) about our auras, colors, third eyes, and higher gods. I'm all for quiet visualization, but when you ask for a response from the yogis, it's a scary look into how seriously people take this. I was waiting for someone to start passing out kool-aid, dousing themselves with gasoline, and setting the place on fire. That's just the "mind" part of this class. I won't even go into the Good Will Hunting moment.

Now for the physical part: all the rage in California is yoga in rooms heated to 120 degrees F just as this one was. I don't know about you, but the first thing I think when I walk into a sauna is, why isn't anyone exercising? Here, naked guy, take this parka. My only explanation for this is that native southern Californians have different blood than everyone else. 70 degrees is chilly to them. Or it's just a very bulimic way of sweating off the pounds. All I know is that I had to lie down three times because I started to faint. Lucky for me on the third time down, we started the floor exercise portion of the 1.5 hour class. You know how saunas have that sign posted where you're not supposed to be in it for longer than 15 minutes? That's just another thought to consider.

Unless I can find an Ohio speed of yoga out here, I guess idea #5938 for a job is out. Wet, hot, lion yoga might work for some people, but it's not for me.

Idea #5939: I might try pilates next. Less spiritual. I think.


  1. Good luck with that one. I took a variety of different yoga classes in California, and none of them were the quiet "Ohio Yoga" you're looking for. That's exactly why I didn't keep it up either! :) I understand the lion growling "Om's" and I know more sanscrit now than I ever wanted.

  2. hate to break this to you, kell, but occasionally "ohio yoga" requires the om and the roar. and i'm not joking, either. i've encountered both in my limited experience.

  3. scuddie9:24 PM

    When I took yoga in India, there was no roaring, but instead the guy in charge just yelled at us the whole time and made us feel like out-of-shape idiots. Plus, it is wildly believed there that the only time to do yoga is no later than 5:30 in the morning. It was not the hand-holding, quiet, zen-like practice as I thought it would be. It was a gut wrenching, early morning torture-fest. Complete with crows big enough to steal your purse.
    The lesson learned? There's good yoga and bad yoga. Good yoga makes me feel calm and centered afterward. Bad yoga is when I leave feeling throughly berated. Very occasionally, I still get the latter here in the states.