Position: Blogger

So the latest, greatest element of my photography internship? Resident blogger for the studio. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- ccheck it out.

While I probably won't be writing every single post, I'll certainly have a heavy hand in the content. The lovely irony of writing on a wedding oriented blog? Having had a civil service, myself.

David Sedaris Live and the Crappy Place that Hosted Him

So much for mobile blogging. I logged in expecting to see the picture I took on Friday of David Sedaris at Copley Symphony Hall and have since tried three times, but nope. No love. All the more disappointing because just as I was making the final adjustments on the big camera for the perfect close-up picture, they scolded me. Point being, my only photo of the evening, with which I could spite Copley Symphony Hall, is on my cell phone.

It doesn't matter much for you because the cell picture would have been a speck of David Sedaris on stage with a burst of orange behind him versus the nice book signing photo I was setting up (where I could have pointed out that his nostrils were bigger and hair grayer than I thought). The ban on photography especially chapped me because the entire event was sponsored by UCSD's Art Pwr. Some "art power" if you can't even take a picture! David Sedaris wasn't going to fade if I took a picture! Neither was the theater! I never even use a flash! I wasn't in the way or holding up a line! And nevermind the free, *good* publicity I was going to give you. Ergh. Bastards. I see time devoted to a fake press badge in my future.

It wasn't the best way to start the event--because you have to understand that as I was taking the picture, an usher walked up, said there was no photography but that he'd let it go, and right as I was about to snap, another eagle-eyed usher (the irony was her eyes were wonky) practically swung down out of nowhere on a rope and landed in front of me, and went nuts. Permission granted, permission taken away. Arguments worth nobody's time.

I'll stop because I thought the majority of this post would be devoted to David Sedaris and his awesome reading. Whenever I read him, there's a certain circularity to his stories that seem incomplete. I don't have a specific example at the moment, but I've had the distinct feeling several time of "that was really funny but how does it all connect?" I guess because the funny is often a tangent from where the story starts. BUT whenever I hear him on This American Life or in person, the same story does feel complete. Maybe he's more of a comedian than a writer because his stories are written to be read aloud. I had read "The Understudy" in the New Yorker a couple of months ago and thought it was okay, but when he read it in person? Hilarious. Why is that?

For the Halloween spirit he also read a piece from his time spent at a morgue. This was hysterical. Somewhat reminiscent of Mary Roach's Stiff for me, yet the jokes about morgue life were still pretty fresh.

And the guy is just as funny off-the-cuff. He talked about a recent trip to Tokyo and his newfound obsession with the place and how he can't wait to go back. Particularly great, to him, were the signs because every last one of them was "cute." He said there was this one sign that warned "Cigarettes are held at a child's eye level" and that it had the cutest picture of a cigarette stuck in a little girl's eye.

I had never paid for a reading before, but David Sedaris is worth it. Go see him.

Media Monday! "Nuestro Himno"

Silly foreigners and immigrants! The rule is: Freedom of Speech IN ENGLISH. It's actually in our Gettysburg Rights and something like the 63rd Amendment, but I'm not sure because I haven't studied all that government stuff since, like, sixth grade...or maybe sixth grade was Mesopotamia...either way some of you (like you Mesopotamians out there) might be thinking, isn't Freedom of Speech interchangeable with Freedom of Expression? And that's a good point. And as a gen-you-wine American I can tell you that we love expression! Why just the other day my buddy farted out a pretty close rendition of the Star Spangled Banner! My mom and neighbor thought it was dead on, but I thought it stunk, if ya know what I mean. Anywho, your confusion between "Speech" and "Expression" might be a sign that you need to study up a little more on your English because it DOESN'T mean speaking Mexican all over the place or translating whatever you feel like. Part of being American is understanding English IN ENGLISH. Just thought I'd do my part to help explain it all.

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The sky is falling yet again in the Divided States of America:

Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner." Adam Kidron's controversial rendition featuring Wyclef Jean, Pitbull, Carlos Ponce, and Olga Tanon.

German version

Yiddish version

Italian version (bottom of the page)

French version (bottom of the page)

:Arabic version

آه، قل: هل ترى،
في ضوء الفجر المبكر،
ما حييناه بعزة
في أواخر وميض المغرب؟
خطوطه العريظة ونجومه اللامعة،
طول ليلة الخطر،
فوق المتراس الذي رقبناه
كانت ترفرف بشجاعة.
ولمعان الصواريخ الأحمر
والقنابل تنفجر في السماء
بيّنت لنا طول اليل
أن علمنا لا يزال هناك.
آه، قل: ذالك البيرق المنجم
ألا تزال ترفرف
فوق بلاد الأحرار
ووطن الشجعان؟

Japanese version:
日本語訳（意訳）

1. おお、見ゆるや 夜明けの淡き光を受け
   先の夕暮れ 陽が落ちるとき 我らが歓呼しもの
   そは太き縞と輝く星なり 危うきいくさのあいだ
   塁壁の上に見たり 勇壮にひるがえりし かの旗／
   のろしの赤き炎立ち 砲音宙に轟くなか
   耐え抜き 旗はなおそこにあり
   おお、星散りばめたる旗は 今なおたなびくや
   自由なる大地 勇者の故郷に
2. 岸辺の霧 その濃く深きとばりのなか
   傲慢なる敵の軍勢 畏れ息ひそめたる
   かは何ぞ 断崖そびゆる向こう
   時折吹くそよ風に 隠れ 見ゆるもの／
   今まさに 朝の新しき光を一筋受け
   大いに輝き 風を受けはためく
   そは星散りばめたる旗よ とこしえにたなびけ
   自由なる大地 勇者の故郷に

Just to name a few. Many other languages can be found in the sidebar of Wikipedia's article on "The Star Spangled Banner."

Ode to White Uniforms

You gotta love the white uniform wearers. These are, perhaps, the people with the messiest jobs, yet still choose to don the color which will ultimately highlight the stains of their work, should they have "an accident." Painters...is the white uniform a measure for the customer to see how often you get the paint in the right spot (that big wall in front of you) or a neutral background to test your colors? Nurses...we all know that hospitals wish to convey the sanitary, the germ-free, and nothing reinforces those white, hospital walls like a white nurse's uniform. That is, with the exception of that urine stain from emptying the bed pan or that vomit chunk. This may be why we're starting to see more of those patterned uniforms. Chefs (cheves?)...you toiler of my dinner, you! I feel much better being able to see the hard work you put into my manicotti, not to mention the hand-shaped sauce smear across your belly, which reminds me you were just using your bare hands on my recently ingested food! And, of course the servers...you're in that same category of the chef...diligently following health code regulations by following the three second rule when a portion of my salad hits the ground and using the power of suggestion with your wine stains so that I might buy a bottle and you can eek a little extra tip out of me. Ah me! Who knows? You may simply be people who enjoy a good laundry challenge every now and then.

Formal Complaint

Scuddie wrote:

I want to formally complain about your lack of blog. I mean, what the fuck? Your partner (howdy!) has one, but he doesn't update it. Shame on the two of you! Shame!

Re: Formal Complaint

Dear Ms. Scuddie,

We here at Kell & Ryan INC. value our customers' feedback. In response to your letter dated December 27, 2004, concerning a lack of blog and our partner's negligence in updating his blog, we'd like to offer our sincere apologies and a little history to help you better understand our situation.

While blogs have been a revolutionary technology that Kell INC. had had her eye on for quite some time, she opted, instead, for a more base tradition of writing in notebooks and outsourced the blog work to Ryan INC. Since Ryan INC. and Kell INC. joined forces in October 2004 to form Kell & Ryan INC. there has been a decline in production as we assimilate our space at our new office in Heidelberg, Germany. Lack of the internet, altogether, proved to be one road block along with a lack of kitchen which, in turn, created a lack of food. Lack of a number of other personal possessions forced us to concentrate on meeting more basic needs for some time. We're delighted to inform you, however, that our basic needs have now been met, and we have the means to address your concerns. Our unemployed and unintentional housewife status, which we prefer to call "domestic personality," however, has also left us often times with a lack of words.

The start of the New Year has motivated us to address this issue. Take this blog as an example of how we take your concerns seriously, you valued customer, you. We can also assure you that we have already met and negotiated with our partner regarding his blog which he has vowed to revisit in the upcoming days.

With best regards and most shamefully,
Kell
Kell & Ryan INC.
http://www.heute-abend.blogspot.com